喜貓在唱歌

這篇文章講到現代人共同的經驗，都有跟陌生人交手的經驗。經常有人無法適當拿捏自己跟他人的適當距離，共同創造不受打擾的空間。有些行徑相當不可思議，但就像文中的女人，她不覺得自己失當，反而覺得對方失禮。

日常生活中真得隨手可見，諸如右轉車不讓行人，公車上一人占兩人位子，車子占用公車停靠站，公車內大聲喧嘩，很多不勝枚舉。

這裡面有個微妙之處是，他人的無禮可能誘發我們內心的小黑暗。自我空間被侵入感覺無法原諒，會想小小的報復。就像本是彬彬有禮的人，會把侵犯他的陌生女人拍照上傳，無非是種小報復以解心中之氣。但這又讓那女子下不了台，網友湧入月台。他也造成了某種程度的傷害(但目的達成)。

這裡面有幾個層次
我們常說要大愛、要合一、但承認吧，我們連這種小事都無法忍受，怎麼談大愛？你尚且無法以愛朋友愛家人的心，去忍受這位陌生人，或替他的(名節)著想。所以到達大愛與合一，還有一萬步的距離，要練習要努力，對吧。

另外這年代，我們常說要做自己，但做自己不代表不用考慮他人，可以把自我空間延伸到他人空間。有趣的是，路上不禮讓他人，或作出不可思議舉止的人，很可能另一面是潛心修任何派別宗教的人。他只是忘記要舉一反三。

還有，如果我們能以愛自己的心為他人著想，就不會有那些奇怪的自私小舉動。但大部分的時間，我們仍是無法做到己所欲施他人。

文中作者說，很多事可以四兩撥千斤優雅地撥開。如果他人不文明，我們也不文明，只會把自己的程度拉低。緊要關頭你可以說聲「夠了」「好了」，避免想要報復回去的衝動。我懷疑...這在台灣，恐怕…不是很實際….台灣目前的進度是罵人有公訂價格。

作者還提到有個城市的市長，雇了一團默劇演員，散佈在城市的各個角落。因為他看到市民道德心創歷史新低，尤其是路邊亂停車讓他非常光火。這些默劇演員一看到市民，有粗魯白目舉止時，就會到他面前把剛剛的動作精準地演一遍給他看。或比方有人大聲喧嘩，馬上就有一群默劇演員把他包圍演給他看。這實在是個好方法。但，不是人人有錢，可以經常性雇一群默劇演員當投射鏡。還是得靠個人努力，一起把現代社會的文明程度給拉高。

======

當一個陌生人粗魯無禮時，怎麼勸阻最好

作者: Danny Wallace

最近，英國試管嬰兒先驅羅伯溫斯頓，從英國倫敦坐火車要到曼徹斯特的途中，發覺自己怒火緩緩上升。

他算是相當溫和的人，以大鬍子和友善風度著稱。但當火車行進兩小時的旅程中，讓他慢慢瘋狂的，特別是另一個乘客。無視於與她隨行的小孩拿起手機開始大聲談話，可以聊過好幾個縣市，都是些雞毛蒜皮的瑣事與平庸的細節。

他試著當成沒聽見。他做到了。但基本上有件事是無法跳過的，就是片面的大聲聊天喧嘩。我們的大腦想把它合理化，會經常隨機跳出一些回應對方的話，對方說什麼我們不知道。

那正是溫斯頓犯錯之時。他開始推特直播那女人。拍下她的照片，傳到推特他有4萬名追蹤者。他越來越惱怒，當那個女人以無聊談話佔據那個乘車空間，長達30、40、50，甚至一小時。

當火車到站，溫斯頓狂奔。他實在受夠這女的的『沒禮貌』。但等待這女人的是一個異常的驚訝，新聞媒體找到溫斯特的推特，大家都在月台等這個女人，示以大微笑跟看好戲的表情，給她看溫斯頓的推特訊息。這女人的臉當場差點沒垮掉，她也對溫斯頓的舉止回敬一句『沒禮貌』。

我很抱歉，這讓我心情很受傷，我們發現自己活在一個令人難以置信的粗魯時代。網路社群教會大家，隨時隨地對任何事表達意見，而意見都是直言無諱，大家看起來都很自信，聰明絕頂。

電視也教我們壞一點，因為壞心是以誠實為包裝傳遞出去的。是一種真正的粗魯，可以講真實粗魯的話，期待觀眾能鼓鼓掌。在英國，英國脫歐分化人群如此明顯，我們以一個人對某議題的看法決定我們是否喜歡他們。在美國，世界上最粗魯的人崛起，拿到世界上最大權力，帶來尖銳恐怖的聚焦，粗魯無禮可以多危險：它可能導致發生核災。

所以，面對這股崛起的粗魯風潮，我們能怎樣因應？我們可以大膽地說出來。這是我們的責任。研究顯示，粗魯無禮像病毒一樣散播地很快，幾乎和普通感冒一樣。只是目睹粗鄙無禮，很可能讓我們之後也變得粗魯無禮。

科學家們形容是一種神經毒素，一旦被感染，我們會變得更具侵略性，更少創意，以及在工作上表現更差。唯一終止這種緊張的方式就是做出有意識的決定。

溫斯頓把這女人的行為放到大眾面前，但他沒有面對它，也沒有阻止它。相反，讓閃爍的聚光燈遠遠地發光，羞辱了她，幾乎對她做了簡單的報復。

報復是粗魯的有趣副作用。當有人搶劫我們的房子，回說我們沒有要搶他們的房子。我們想一個公道。但當有人對我們粗鄙無禮時，會觸及到一個黑暗面：『想要報復』。我們想要回敬他們給我們同樣不好的感受。有時候就只是要回敬粗魯無禮。但情況可能升級。我們對陌生人的白目無禮，所感受到的憤怒與不公，會促使我們做一些奇怪的事。

我研究調查2000名成年人，發現復仇者的行為已經從荒謬到真正的干擾。(搓破輪胎，暗暗破壞他們)

通常，回敬粗魯無禮的訣竅就是更加優雅，可以一派輕鬆講一句話“停〜夠了”來終結某個抓馬。

反擊粗魯無禮是我們要面對的事情。當我們在商店碰到時，我們必須站出來說“夠了”。如果發生在同事身上，我們也必須指出。我們必須以保護好友的方式保護陌生人。但我們可以做得優雅不帶任何攻擊性，也不表現出自己的無禮。因為如果你把鏡子放到那些粗魯的人身上，透過別人的眼睛回看自己的行為，他們更可能結束自己的那種焦慮。

這可能是你，我，大家會做的事。但可以以較棒的方式去處理。

前波哥大市長Antanas Mockus就想出個好主意。了解到他的城市，行為處於歷史新低，人們肆無忌憚地不照順序停車，相互對抗。他的做法可能證明是這個年代的天才主意之一。他雇了一群默劇演員。

是的，一群默劇演員。

這群默劇演員以傳統服裝散布在波哥大的街頭，只要發現白目粗魯的行為時，就會站在行為人後面，以驚人的準確度模仿他們的粗魯行為。或也許你會看到有些人車停在人行道，沒有信心說什麼。別擔心。瞬間就會完全被啞劇演員包圍，全部誇張地搖頭。那一刻，浮動的群眾也會加入。

上週溫斯頓可以和波哥大市長一起完成。波哥大的噪音污染者經常發現自己位在一大群穿修士服的群眾中心，每個人用一隻手指抵住嘴唇，指出他們的聲音有多大。

撇開超現實，這位市長所做的是有趣強力地確保人們知道要對他們的行為負責。他會遠遠拿起鏡子。

我們負擔不起一群啞劇演員但我們可以說些什麼

因為我們能選擇文明，我們可以選擇成為文明

我們可以說『就是停』

Recently, the British IVF pioneer Lord Robert Winston was sitting on a train traveling from London, England, to Manchester, when he found himself becoming steadily enraged.

Winston is normally a fairly mild-mannered man, known for a big mustache and a friendly demeanor. But what was driving him slowly insane as the train rumbled through its two-hour journey was another passenger in particular. Ignoring the child with her, the woman had picked up her phone and begun what would become a very loud conversation, which would take place over several counties and be peppered with tedious facts and banal detail.

Lord Winston tried to ignore it. He did. But there is something fundamentally un-ignorableabout a loud, one-sided conversation. Our brains fight to make sense of them, constantly jarred by sudden and randomly timed replies to sentences we can’t hear.

It was then that Lord Winston made a mistake. He began to tweet about the woman. He took photos of her and sent them out to his more than 40,000 followers. He became more and more red-faced and furious as her dominating chit-chat moved from 30 minutes, to 40, then 50, then an unbelievable hour.

When the train arrived at its destination, Winston bolted. He’d had enough of what he described as her “rudeness.” But the woman faced an unusual surprise. The press had picked up on Winston’s tweets. They were waiting for her on the platform, all big smiles and eager anticipation. And when they gleefully showed her the Lord’s messages, the woman’s face fell. And she too used just one word to describe Lord Winston’s actions that day: “rude.”

I’m sorry if this makes me a snowflake, but we find ourselves living at a time of incredible rudeness. Social media has taught the world it needs to have an opinion, on everything, at all times, and that this opinion must be delivered in a forthright way, so we seem assured, confident, smart. Reality television has taught us to celebrate meanness, so long as that meanness is delivered as “honesty” — an awful get-out clause designed by the truly rude so they can say truly rude things and then expect us all to applaud them for it. In Britain, Brexit has divided a people so distinctly that it feels we only need to know how a person voted on one issue to decide whether we like them or not. In the U.S., the rise of the world’s rudest man to the world’s most powerful position has brought into sharp and terrifying focus just how dangerous one moment of rudeness might prove: it might lead us to nuclear apocalypse.

So what can we do about the rising tide of rudeness? Well, we can have the guts to call it out. It’s our duty. Studies have shown that rudeness spreads quickly and virally, almost like the common cold. Just witnessing rudeness makes it far more likely that we, in turn, will be rude later on. Scientists have described it as a neurotoxin, and once infected by it we are more aggressive, less creative and worse at our jobs. The only way to end a strain is to make a conscious decision to do so.

Winston shone a spotlight on that woman’s behavior, but he did not confront it, and he did not stop it. Instead, that flickering spotlight was shone weakly from afar, shaming her, taking an almost rudimentary form of revenge on her.

And revenge is an interesting side effect of rudeness. When someone commits a crime against us — they rob our house, say — we don’t have any desire to rob their house in return. We want justice. But when someone is rude to us, it speaks to an arguably darker side: we want revenge. We want to make them feel the same disrespect they’ve given us. Sometimes we are simply rude in return. But situationscan escalate. The rage and injustice we feel at the inexplicably rude behavior of a stranger can drive us to do odd things. In my own research, surveying 2,000 adults, I discovered that the acts of revenge people had taken ranged from the ridiculous (“I rubbed fries on their windshield”; “I let a dog lick a sausage I was serving them”) to the genuinely disturbing (“I slashed their tires”; “I sabotaged them at work”).

Often, the trick to handling rudeness is far more elegant, and can be done with the gentle delivery of a sentence as simple as “Just stop.”

Combating rudeness is something we must do face-to-face. When we see it happen in a store, we must step up and say “Just stop.” If it happens to a colleague, we must point it out. We must defend strangers in the same way we’d defend our best friends. But we can do it with grace. We can handle it well, by handling it without a trace of aggression and without being rude ourselves. Because once a rude person has had the looking glass held up to them and can see their actions through the eyes of others, they are far more likely to end that strain themselves.

This can be done by you, by me, by everyone. But it can also be done in spectacular ways.

The former Mayor of Bogotá, Antanas Mockus, had one such spectacular way. Realizing that behavior in his city was at an all-time low — people parking without thought, not lining up properly, snapping at each other — he had what might well prove one of the genius ideas of our age. He hired an army of mimes.

Yes, an army of mimes.

These mimes were unleashed onto the streets of Bogotá in their traditional mime costumes, and upon spotting rude behavior would simply stand behind that rude person and mimic their rude actions with startling accuracy. Or maybe you’d see someone parking on the sidewalk and not have the confidence to say anything. Don’t worry. Within seconds they’d be completely surrounded by mimes, all pointing and shaking their heads dramatically. And in that moment, a buoyed public would join in too.

Lord Winston could have done with Mockus that day last week. Noise polluters in Bogotá would often find themselves at the center of a large group of people all dressed up as Benedictine monks, each of them holding one finger to their lips to point out how loud they were being

Surreality aside, what Antanas Mockus did was playfully and powerfully ensure people felt accountable for their actions. He held that looking glass aloft.

We can’t all afford an army of mimes. But we can afford to say something.

Because we can choose to be civilized, and we can choose to be civil.

We can say “Just stop.”

http://time.com/5135513/rude-people-danny-wallace/?utm_campaign=time&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&xid=time_socialflow_facebook